February 21st, 2019

The Loosening

This is a really belated post from January...

Well, this time my parents accompanied me to my ketamine session in San Francisco.

I figured this session would be much more effective this time around because I'd felt my brain "hardening" a few days earlier. It's a feeling kind of like having a knot in your stomach except that my brain felt as though it'd compressed into something hard like a rock.

Well, sure enough, the ketamine was MUCH more effective this time than the two previous times. Although I'd decided to take a break from philosophy, the drug had a way bringing out the philosopher in me.

I started wondering what the cosmos is made of. What is reality made out of? The Chinese have a saying, "It's hard to see the mountain when you're inside it." So someone ideally suited to figure out what reality is made out of would be someone who exists outside reality. But how can someone exist outside reality? No wonder it's so hard to figure out!

I also started thinking about the different stages in one's life, and I felt regret that I'd missed out on so much.

After the session was over, my parents and I went to see the psychiatrist in charge of me ketamine to see if certain changes could be made to the protocol.